The center of my post college life has been my career, my job. It has taken me to all 50 states, three Canadian provinces, and an immense number of friends, who I would take time from my day to be there for. I have seen cities of wealth, of hollowed history and glory; and the local watering holes, where I was the only stranger there. It’s the worldly renaissance; and from an immature and hyperactive individual, to a stronger, more mellow me. There is nothing better than the feeling of completeness, when someone seeks none more than the smooth affection of the fullness of life.

I am blessed to have people who believe in my work, and recognize that I while I may not seem to outwardly put 100% into it, the reason why I can leave work early; it is because I put 111% into everything I do. It’s the way I was raised, to work hard, and not ask for anything back. It makes the little moments of appreciation even more valuable. My direct manager here at Microsoft, he is ever watchful of my time, and I can’t say how nice it is to have someone who genuinely is a good soul. My other direct manager, I respect her immensely, trusting in me that I am here to make things happen for all stakeholders.

In terms of my health, I’ve had time to finally workout more, slowing regaining my goal of a high school weight. A long way to go, but it’s for the best. Social health, I’m slowly working myself back into some form of a social circle again, it’s more difficult then it seems, but I’m one step at a time.

So what have I learned in the last 26 years… is that the least expected is what is expected, I can make time for who and what’s important, and that if you want to make someone you care about smile, you need only be a troublemaker.

I spend my evenings, realizing that I have a new found appreciation, a new found respect, and a better, closer friendship.  It’s also allowed me to do what I think I do best, and that’s to be there, to be unwavering.  Perhaps I’m loyal to a fault, or my need to put a smile on those around me.

Since coming home, it seems that I’ve begin to walk a different path, and it’s interesting where this might go, and where it takes me.  My priorities have changed ever so slightly, and maybe I have a better idea of what my balance is, and how to allocate my time. 

Whatever it is, I’m a happier person.

We spend so much time spent seeking maturity, and the things which come with it, it comes to no surprise that the simple things like, skipping rocks, or just sitting on the beach, listening to the waves come in.  I guess the simple things are the most fitting in this world, where we are missing everything else.

The guess the most pleasurable feeling, is just being held, the innocence of not caring about the outside world.

There isn’t anything else to be worried about. 

I didn’t expect my last weekend to end up the way it did, but little did I know, the unexpected always seems to creep up and mess with the best of situations. What was suppose to be dinner and dancing, didn’t really end up that way, and to that effect, I’m flooded with feelings which have slightly melted my cold jaded mind; just a little bit anyway.

It’s not hard to recall, feelings for another person.  I once had them before and they were broken pointedly and abruptly.  Nothing like being the odd man out, to really change one’s perspective on relationships. It was hard to let go of that anger and disgust, at her and myself.  It was a crappy ending to what should have been a much more fruitful story. 

So I find myself wondering the obvious.  Should I make a concerted effort, or just let things come, as they are now.  Does it really matter what I do, perhaps I should relinquish my thoughts to God, and his infinite wisdom, yet, I find myself bothered by the thought.  If I don’t make an effort, should I find myself with regret?

I’m over thinking this, maybe I should just be myself and if it comes around, then I’ll be deal with it then,

I’d like to see you, thought I’d let you know
I wanna be with you everyday
Cause I’ve got a feeling that beginning to grow
And there’s only one thing I wanna say

I’m ready – to love you
I’m ready – to hold you
I’m ready – I’m ready
Ready as I’m gonna be

She left me a long note when she left me here
Told me that love was hard to find
But baby it’s easy and I’ll make it clear
That there’s only one thing on my mind

I’m ready – to love you
I’m ready – to hold you
I’m ready – I’m ready
Ready as I’m gonna be

Then I decided to get a Lenovo.

The Iconic ThinkPad, it’s been the same exact design basically for 20 years. It’s thinner, more powerful, and well, it’s a workhorse.  That’s solidified by the meetings which I’m privileged to be sitting in, everyone has a Lenovo ThinkPad.  I look around me, I see W500, T61, X200, and my T400.  I can’t imagine not having my Lenovo, the keyboard is amazing, it feels great, and there is no better battery, I think, I get 6-8 hours of work time, and it’s a great grip, when I’m dragging it from meeting to meeting.

I doesn’t have a ton of features, but it does one thing right, it feels and works great.

I want a gadget that has the essentials.

How about the cell phone; one that has essentials.  A convergence of new technologies, with a integration of the old.  What do I mean?  I want a hardware slab. I want Windows Mobile, because of the seamless Exchange compatibility.  Yep, I said it, WinMo.  I want it to integrate directly with the Zune Desktop software (not just with the media player workaround). I want a 3.5mm head phone jack, and a standardized Micro-USB on it also, I mean BOTH at the same time. I want a dedicated camera button, and I want a auto-focus camera.  I want a harden glass screen, with a capacitive screen, 3.8 inch.  I want a snapdragon processor, and expandable storage.  I want it to have a finger friendly UI.  I want optional Haptics.  I want full integration with Twitter, Facebook and Yelp.  I want a removable battery, and a SIM based unit.  I want Wi-Fi, Bluetooth with File transfer.  I want a full browser, with flash (for menus) and silverlight (for better menus). 

That isn’t too demanding is it?

Then again, I use a RAZR2, and it’s basically enough for me.

What is the point of all this? Don’t be afraid to try. In this case, I was able to talk to someone who I haven’t seen in years.

I believe that popular culture is reflected in our art; and if you believe that is true, then we know that there are a lot of people who don’t make an effort. Take the Nickelback song, If Today Was Your Last Day. So many I fear, live without experiencing all that life has to offer, or rather, what they can do, to give back. Can you influence others, to live to their full potential? Do you encourage people, support them, or break people down, to perhaps increase your own value?

I like to think, I give back to my friends.

It’s not because I want to win them over, obtaining brownie points. I don’t ask for anything, I was raised to be self-reliant. I work to get what I need, and sometimes overwork to get what I want, but I don’t ask others to give me anything. I’m a team player, but all the same, I like taking charge, and making things happen. I don’t expect anything, because I am just doing my job, and if that is beyond expectations, then it’s just the way I am. Same can be applied to my friendships.

I like to give; I like to offer all of myself to others, because if you know me, If you ask for help, if we are just friends, acquaintances, or more so, I make an effort.

You and Me by Dave Matthews Band

(YouTube -> YouTube link)

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we’ll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

You and I, we’re not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we’re gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it’s you and me forever girl
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby

…to reach the end of the world

YouTube Video

Ben Harper & Rentless 7
White Lies For Dark Times (2009)
Track #11

I learned to say goodbye too young
I learned to duck from words
Like bullets from a gun

How long can you pray
And still not see a change
I faithfully remain

Some things
You have to let be lost
Some battles, some battles
You have to leave unfought

Then the truth just wastes away
In all we dare not say
And in all we can’t explain
But I faithfully remain

Now I’m afraid
Once again
It has come to this
When it all goes dark
Nothing stays the same
Now I’m only what I miss

And my memories
They turn to tears
They turn to fire, blood and pain
And I faithfully remain

I faithfully remain
And I faithfully remain
I faithfully remain